this is a particularly special blog post. it’s personal in the way i am admitting both that i am getting older and also indicating that my birthday is here, coming, upon us. turning 27 has forced me into privacy and caution. whatever. my birthday is July 9th.
when i was younger, my birthday felt like the biggest deal possible. national holiday status. the day…i was…born. *gasp* stop the world, alert the press, a star was born. those kinds of expectations will kill you.
birth and life and creation have always been significant to me, but over time it has taken new form. my birthday has been joyous, gift oriented, disappointing, sad, traumatizing, fun, and nerve racking. but really, my birthday has been a day and those kinds of feelings and experiences have occurred on it. because life is random and the universe doesn’t know it’s your birthday and people are still mean.
i have spent all year healing from existing as Aijah. from what’s happened, what will happen, what is happening. i have shed tears and skins and fallen out of and back into patterns of comfort and refuge. i have laughed and cried and sobbed as i grieve my younger self and everything i needed but didn’t have, wanted but couldn’t achieve, and hung onto but had to release. i broke over and over and over again this year, but in the end i met myself for the first time in a very long time. it was worth it. it was unbelievably painful, but it was worth it. it was how something like un.eg&o could finally be thought up. i had to let a lot go first.
i put a lot of pressure and significance on my birthday because some years it feels like the only day i get the love and acknowledgment i wish for throughout the year. it’s the one day where i matter a little bit more to others and kindness towards me is at it’s peak. i hope and pray i feel happy on that day because there are many days that i don’t feel that kind of elation. (there are also so many that i do, very privately)
*it ended up being a really great birthday. i can thank my growth for that. taking things as they are, letting go of control, and accepting the love that others want to share. i’m hopeful about 27 in a way i haven’t ever been able to be before. i’m usually a bit scared. unsure of how the year will treat me. like it’s predetermined and i have to survive it hunger games style. i realize now that i have more mental and emotional control over this life than i ever have had before and although i never want to use it, i’m way more comfortable and confident in my ability to so that i can maintain a level of peace and calmness throughout the age and year of 27 no matter what uncertainty arises. i will focus on the good, on my dreams, on my goals. and i look forward to making it to 28. thank you for being here. i am really fortunate to me. there’s so much i want to do. i look forward to starting, building, and continuing on.
Happy birthday to you Aijah! I was inspired to look up the number 27: “The number 27 symbolizes new beginnings, spiritual awakening, and inner strength. It is also a reminder to stay positive and have faith, even when things are tough.” I love that you are writing and did the un.packing newsletter. It is unique and powerful and I look forward to reading whatever you feel like writing.💙Suzanne from the Bethany tag sale.
Suzanne, thank you so much for the thoughtful birthday wish! i am also so happy to hear from you. meeting you that day was truly special and i am grateful that we can continue to connect. i enjoy my goodies from that day often. your search on the symbolism of 27 is everything i hope to channel and more this year. it’s so important to keep in mind always, but the magnitude increases at this point in life i’m noticing. it’s getting real! and there’s real work to do in maintaining and growing. i’ll keep your findings in mind. i… Read more »